


hoping for a slow song

by vanosian



Series: making me lose everything on my mind [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Bisexual Stiles Stilinski, F/M, M/M, Slow Burn, Stiles' POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanosian/pseuds/vanosian
Summary: There is a chink in the curtains with a narrow beam of light coming through, making Scott's skin glow like honey. He can't stop staring.Scott's lips are a pale pink, he observes, and then adamantly refuses to go over there ever again.It starts in the warm glow of the sun. Not once - but twice.
Relationships: Scott McCall/Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski/Malia Tate (brief)
Series: making me lose everything on my mind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103270
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	hoping for a slow song

Despite the amount of denial Stiles has accumulated over the years, the chronological order of the events that led to his current state is actually surprisingly accurate.

* * *

****

1\. The Beginning

Most things do not have clear beginnings.

It is only after an occurrence has been identified as a significant change that the human brain devises a systematic progression of the various events that culminated into whatever fresh disaster the mind has decided to indulge in. 

After much _not-deliberation_ : the state of pondering upon something in staggered moments such that plausible deniability can kiss your ass, Stiles came to the conclusion that the initiation was... well it was normal. 

Lydia was a goddess and Stiles was a mere mortal enthralled by her presence. She had beautiful hair and beautiful eyes and beautiful everything really, and it was all he could to not just watch her with a dopey grin on his face. 

The thing about being bisexual is that most of the time you receive no warning. There is no conscious realization; it's up to your brain to suddenly go _"Eureka!"_ and jump out of the bathtub instead of the proverbial closet. One moment you're totally not being creepy and staring at the girl you sorta maybe have a very gigantic almost hero-worship crush on (and she literally doesn't know you even exist), the next moment you're staring at a guy at the next table wondering _"Wow that dude has some seriously long lashes"_ and boom next thing you know you might've completely switched gears and now have very gay thoughts about someone whose name you don't even know. 

It doesn't get any more remarkable than that; you just have twice the number of hot people to be overwhelmed by now. 

(and a large variety of porn to choose from)

Of course when the waters have stilled and you're just catching a tan at the beach of being bisexual - that is when everything goes very horribly wrong.

* * *

****

2\. Disaster one 

It's a fine fucking Saturday, no tests coming up, a day of lazing around between piles of crisps and pizza. Lydia is still a goddess beyond the reaches of his poor mortal heart but at least she did look at him in passing yesterday, even if it was only to borrow a pencil. Stiles knows it's never gonna happen but a guy can dream.

As it turns out, a guy can only chase a dream until another one comes along, and he's not being dramatic when he says it's a trainwreck. 

So yeah, it's another fucking Saturday. Stiles has no tests coming up and he's just chilling out with Scott. They're pretty much even in terms of score. It's simple and familiar - doing best bro things with your best bro. And of course, that moment of calm and peace is when his fucking bisexual monkey brain sees Scott, and it's almost like seeing him for the first time.

There is a chink in the curtains with a narrow beam of light coming through, making Scott's skin glow like honey. He can't stop staring. 

The controller's stuck in his hands and his brain's going like a million miles an hour and he is very very sure that he's currently on the edge of like one of the worst possible revelations ever and every single cheesy ass movie has warned him against it. 

Scott's lips are a pale pink, he observes, and then adamantly refuses to go over there ever again.

* * *

****

3\. A reprieve 

So yeah, for like another year he just kinda forgets. He has a book of rules and it's very easy to follow especially when he definitely doesn't look into why the book even exists.

Also, Scott's now a werewolf, and he feels extra-guilty about it like half the time. Their life really is one life-threatening creature of the night after another, and it's up to Stiles to pull information out of his ass. 

There are silver linings though, here and there. He makes more friends, and his crazy-ass hyperactivity is put to good use when he has to plan and observe, and most importantly he meets Malia Tate. 

She is badass and hot and Stiles definitely goes head-over-heels very evidently and by some miracle, she feels the same way. Their whirlwind of a romance lasts almost an year, and her steel-blue eyes pierce him in the best possible way. He's never drank enough to have a massive hangover but somehow looking at her smug grin, her brown hair gliding with the wind - he thinks he knows what it would feel like.

* * *

****

4\. Remembrance 

They break up.

It's not unexpected, and Stiles really does understand. There are whispered apologies, and he knows they are going to remain friends. Some part of him, deep inside, wonders why he is even supposed to care. He knows it's not his fault that he was possessed, but he is the one that has to live with the memories. 

He wishes he knew how to deal with the nightmares alone.

* * *

All the supernatural shit he has had to deal with goes firmly into the "don't-think-about-this" box. It isn't even hard; humor has always been his coping mechanism, along with his tendency to self-isolate in the face of his emotional breakdowns. 

He doesn't want to think about what he misses, so he doesn't.

There's sarcasm, and offhand comments, and brain-decaying levels of caffeine consumed. Scott comes to see him and Stiles rambles and rambles, speaking all the random bullshit that comes to his mind and Scott listens and passes him a beer and they sit around in a pile of dirty laundry and paper.

He rechecks the locks on the not-deliberation section of his mind. 

He breathes.

* * *

****

5\. Woods 

He is no longer chilling at beaches, and instead spends time mostly roaming the lovely, dark, and deep (yes he has officially started making mental references to his literal homework) woods. It's calm, and soothing, and peaceful; it helps keep him steady in a world where crazy things just keep happening.

Roaming the aforementioned woods, he realizes that he's never actually told anyone that he's bisexual. 

Although given how much he used to stare at Derek back when The Sourwolf first showed up, Stiles is pretty sure most of the werewolves already know this cause of their whack werewolf senses. He has had a long time to integrate it into who he is, so it's just a fact at this point - one that allows him to crack jokes and basically be the crackhead he was born to be. So at this point it's like an open secret and really come on it's so obvious he's bi and if in the future he wants to hit on a guy he can do that anyway and nobody would bat an eyelid. It's not like it matters much in the grand scheme of things. 

Which is why, he literally not in a million years could've ever predicted what happened next.

* * *

****

6\. Disaster two 

This time it's a Tuesday. Scott's back from Deaton's and they're hanging out. Stiles is currently absorbed in researching selkies; the lake in town has seen some real weird fucking things of late and a sea spirit haunting it seems pretty probable.

"Hey, Stiles.", Scott says, making himself at home on Stiles' bed. 

"Yo bro sup?", Stiles replies distractedly, hastily scribbling down some information on selkie sightings despite being sure at least 50% of it is bogus. 

It takes about two minutes of Scott being entirely too silent for him to realize that something is wrong. 

When Stiles looks up, Scott is rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, and looking pointedly at the wall. 

"Uh buddy, you okay?", Stiles asks, the opposite of an intelligent question because he can be a dumb fucking ass sometimes and being touchy-feely and Scott definitely do not belong in the same time-frame or location because that is a sure no can do these days.

Scott doesn't answer and Stiles isn't surprised. It's always been like that between the two of them - Scott has always been good, trusting and open when it comes to others, and intensely private when it comes to himself, which often means Stiles taking one for the team and starting an emotionally-loaded conversation just because Scott needs it. 

"Dude, please don't tell me there's also some Godzilla-like monster haunting the water of Beacon Hills now.", he says in a deadpan voice.

Scott looks up and laughs - and Stiles being the good friend that he is - doesn't mention that it sounds slightly watery. 

"Yeah no we'd be fucked if that actually happened.", Scott replies with a half-smile and he does seem less nervous now. 

The silence is slightly awkward and Stiles is doing all he can to not break it with something dumb like "I think selkies might be even creepier than mermaids and it's possible they're actually dead as in like zombies" or "there's a half-eaten sandwich under the bed right by your feet bro which might have started growing mould by now" or "you know to be honest vampires aren't any less likely to exist than werewolves and I'd be a hot-ass vamp even though drinking blood's kinda gross", when Scott finally does speak. 

"How did you know you were into both guys and girls?" 

Stiles' brain comes to a halt. 

Like every single stupid fucking thought that was taking his neurons for a joyride just basically disappears into thin air, leaving behind absolutely nothing. 

"What?", he mumbles incoherently, not knowing what he's saying. 

Something like fear flashes across Scott's face, and suddenly Scott's honest-to-god rambling. 

"Fuck just forget it. I didn't mean to... cause of the Danny thing I thought you might be... but I wasn't sure... but I needed to talk to someone and... okay it was a bad idea nevermind." 

Stiles pulls himself back from his shock, racing forwards to catch Scott's arm. 

"Scotty.", he says sharply. "It's okay. Just calm down. You didn't do anything wrong and you're fine and I'm fine." 

He retracts his arm after a reasonable moment has passed, and sits on the floor, resting his head against the bed so they aren't looking at each other. 

"It wasn't really a big thing.", he starts, and wow this feels so very weird cause it's the first time he's ever talked about it with another person. Sure he's said he's bisexual quite a few times, mostly to himself really, and a couple times in clubs. Like when he met this girl who also happened to be bisexual and she asked him if he also liked guys, which well was the first time anyone had asked him if he did so it was actually pretty cool. 

"I was looking at Lydia and my brain was all _"wow she's hot"_ but then somehow I started looking at this guy who used to sit on the table next to hers and thought _"Wow he is also hot"_ and that was that." 

He turns to look at Scott, who looks like he is thinking carefully about something. 

"I guess that makes sense.", Scott replies. 

There are a few more minutes of silence, and Stiles has questions of his own which he buries because he knows that the answers will not bring good news for him either way. Soon enough Scott rises off the bed and asks him if he wants to play another round of Mario and Stiles nods and says yes. 

He isn't surprised, a few days later, when he catches Scott staring very blatantly at the rippling muscles of a guy from a passing werewolf pack, and he definitely doesn't need to have werewolf senses to know exactly what is happening here. 

As he lies awake that night, Stiles swears that some primordial deity is really fucking set on ruining him.

* * *

****

7\. It gets even more disastrous 

Knowing Scott is bisexual opens a large fucking dam and no matter how much he tries to stop thinking about it, he can't.

It's like every single moment of denial from a couple of years has decided to make itself known, and not just to himself but also to Scott. 

Scott and Stiles, they aren't very affectionate. They are close, and they'd both give their lives for each other in a heartbeat. They tackle each other all the time, and push each other and stand close together and all that, but they don't do affection. 

They've never needed to for the most part; Stiles likes to pretend emotions aren't a thing and Scott being the selfless idiot he is just ignores his. Their arrangement is to distract each other when one of them is being broody, and they have been cheering each other up for years with nonsensical dares and being reckless in general. 

So the fact that Stiles now somehow ends up touching Scott all the time is a massive fucking problem. 

No matter how much he likes feeling Scott's warmth where their thighs join, or where Stiles has an arm around Scott's shoulder, it's still too fucking weird.

He doesn't always do it just for himself though. 

Scott has always wanted to see the good in things, in people and in basically everything, but he isn't always good at it. Just because he became a werewolf doesn't mean all his insecurities disappeared overnight. Stiles has had individual pieces of the jigsaw that is Scott McCall collected and preserved carefully over the years, and it is only now that he is letting himself connect them softly. 

Scott's quiet, but somehow, Stiles can hear his silence.

* * *

****

8\. Okay so maybe it kinda gets miraculously better and he is in love 

Stiles watches Scott a lot.

His years of _not-deliberation_ (he is finally addressing it cause fuck it everything has been so weird lately that it doesn't even matter) have made him quite good at catching himself in the middle of some very non-platonic glances. 

Stiles shamelessly watches Scott tug his shirt off. He lets himself smile dopily when the sunlight catches Scott's thick eyelashes, and his tan skin, and the shy smile that now graces his pink lips more and more. 

It takes his breath away, when one day, he catches Scott looking back.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> So this marks my first Teen Wolf fic. It's very messy on the world-building. A few details that weren't mentioned (on purpose because the point of this fic is that Stiles chooses to heavily ignore his crush on Scott) are that Allison and Scott have dated in this universe, Stiles is also mildly distant, and he actively avoids looking into Scott's personal life and feelings much. 
> 
> I might continue this, with Scott's POV this time. It would be different since Scott had his own realizations to come to, and also because Scott pays more attention to how much he cares about Stiles. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


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